It has been the second night in a row that I have had dreams with desires of other men.

And this night I have woken up and have stayed with a considerable amount- or lets just say strong urge. I have dreamt of two boys in my class who seemed to like me or at least there is the one. He's so positive and he's no war monger. I really think now that I want out. He spends all of his thoughts and energies playing a game in which he "kills" other ships. Maybe its not personified at all but I dislike all the violence. Either it's too violent or it's completely stupid to me. He wastes his time in life. He does'nt enrich himself. He has a stupid attitude that I ignored before but now I think that he totally isn't the type of person for me. We don't connect spiritually. When he comes on to me I feel like I am being attacked or intruded. I don't feel like I am expressing myself I don't feel like it's particularly loving- except what I educated him to do. But he just wants the end result. And doesn't seem to care about my enjoyment. Sees the pain in my eyes and just gets mad. He isn't empathetic, he isn't caring. He's shelfish, childlike. He actually has an explosive temper. Maybe he has absorbed some of my father's energy...but I know that I don't want my father's bad traits without all the fun ones. I am not even attracted to him anymore. No wonder I don't feel turned on by him. He hardly spends any time with me as a person - talking to me. Things were supposed to change now that he lived with me but they havent changed and they have gotten worse it seems.
His soft side seemed to be associated with his mom and now that she's not around as much he isn't soft at all. it seems like he was faking things so that I would like him - or he was taking my energy- my energetic cues in order to feel interest or know what I liked. But his concern was trying to get me to like him and not being himself and having a true connection.
Now that he lives in my house- it's more complicated. He had said that he would move out at summer time but now he says that he doesn't want to move out with out me! I am not ready for that. He's always pushing me to do things.
This boy in class - he seems like my kind of person from the expressions he makes when the teacher says certain things- like he is full of life and appreciation, he understand the mirth(?). In the dream it seemed that there was an amalgam of the two boys- the one that I talked to after class (which I didn't really like until maybe he liked me....i don't know)...I just want someone passionate or at least interested in what they do. David is not interested at all- I believe I am in the way of his growth and have completley stopped him because now he seems to just want to get by. He's totally thoughtless. He isn't considerate. He forces me to do things I don't want to do... or gets upset if I dont want to and he concedes.
I really don't like him anymore. He said that the psychic was a "crazy lady." He can't seem to appreciate the deeper sides of things. When I was trying to be more aroused for him all that came up was slight tears. I am not into him at all. It's just coasting by. And all the thoughts that I had about us having kids together- well I am sure that the next guy that I find will want to have them too and won't go teaching them that games are a way of life and mcdonalds is yummy. Maybe I don't want him as a father because of what he would teach them- that material thing are good. What has he taught me? How have I left my path and my beliefs already?
The psychic woman told me that she doesn't him as a forever kind of guy....maybe that's what he sensed from what I said when I told him everything but that in what she said.
She sensed that he good in the material world- that he is good at acquiring things and cares a lot about it.
Then she sensed that I am really not that type of person to care about those things...
She said that he's got a fathering energy. That I am not progressing in the relationship and that he is holding me back.